Why? Because busy means we can avoid fears and emotion and we stay in control or at least we think we do. Because giving up control, surrendering, or accepting that we are only responsible for the effort and not the outcome is f’ing scary!
As business owners we spend a lot of time thinking about the results we are going to get or the outcomes we want. How do we think we control that? With the effort we put in right?
So if that’s wrong, then what do we have control over, where do we want to be focusing our effort?
The actual outcomes and results….do not hang out here
Sure you can predict what the results will be, you can set goals, you can do your absolute best at all the tools and actions, but you cannot fully control the outcome.
Let me give you an example. Your life and business are a boat, you have the oars, the boat, and a direction - which are your tools. Your action is just to row the damn boat.
It doesn’t matter what day you’ll get there, how big the boat is, how big someone else’s boat is, if it’s raining, how many people are in the boat. You have the tools to safely and successfully row the boat - so just row the damn boat.
What happens when you start rowing?
Maybe the outcome or results didn’t meet your expectations - that’s ok. Go back to the tools and actions - what can be improved or done differently to get a more favorable outcome. Going back to the boat example. Maybe you need more arm strength - you take actions to make that happen, work out, do push ups, keep rowing. Maybe the oars need to be bigger - you make bigger oars or hire someone to make them for you. Maybe the boat has a slow leak - you take actions to have the leak plugged - or you get a new boat.
You do the work
Tools + actions = outcomes and results
Let’s try something.
Get totally, really deep, nitty gritty honest with yourself and pull out your deepest darkest fear in business. If you are coming up with one word like failure or judgement, I want you to go deeper.
Use the 12 layers of why from above. Write your word on a piece of paper, then under it write a sentence explaining why “that word” and on the next line write another sentence why “whatever you said on the line above it” and do this 12 times. This is going to be uncomfortable and you’re going to want to stop. But don’t - this is important!
Look at your final answer and then say this to yourself, “Self, I understand this is your greatest fear, but if that’s not true and that is an illusion - who do you get to be when that’s not real.”
It’s like a weight gets lifted, you can find more joy, you can be more present, you enjoy the journey, you grow!
Then 2 things come to realization
One more quick exercise for you.
Take your why fear list from before and flip all of your answers. So if your fear was failure write one that starts with success and rewrite all of your answers from failure as if you’ve already succeeded. Because I am willing to bet you wrote your fears like they already happened.
Let’s embrace the idea of leaning in and letting go of the control and not getting so attached to an outcome - be powerless to it so that you can empower yourself to take the actions necessary to achieve that vision.
It’s a Ying and Yang - when you accept powerlessness you empower yourself.
You are finding power in surrendering to what you don’t have power over.
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